I presented my Master's thesis this week and I don't think I have been so nervous in my entire life. I am such a procrastinator, and every semester, every new project, I think, I am going to get started early this time and finish well in advance. Yeeeeah, right. I did everything last minute, which isn't to say I didn't work hard. I would guess I put in at least 50 hours worth of work, but it was 50 hours within a two week time span instead of four. And then I had two weeks where I had nothing to do but wait, because my committee needed to look over my materials. I planned to write out what I wanted to say word for word, podcast it and listen to every day. And I did. But I did it two days before my presentation. So, naturally my heart was pounding come Tuesday. I got to the U an hour and a half before my presentation and sat in the student lounge rehearsing my lines. (My presentation had to be at least an hour long). I felt confident with the material, but was terrified I would forget what I wanted to say and have to look at my notes. I took 15 kava pills within a 2 hour time span before the presentation and they always work, but not today. So, I ended up taking a quarter of a xanax 30 minutes before my presentation.
All went well. I didn't need to look at my notes and I felt a rush of emotions when after being ushered out so my committee could discuss, John opened the door and reached out his hand with a smile on his face and said "Congratulations!". It felt so wonderful. I woke up on Wednesday morning with the most wonderful feeling. Nothing. I had nothing to worry about that day. Nothing that had to get done. Freedom. And now, my room is finally clean-ish. I have too much and need to go through everything and just get rid of a lot of it. I've also spent a bit of time at school getting stuff ready for next school year.
I leave for Peru on July 6. I am beyond excited. Ecstatic maybe? Visiting Macchu Picchu has been on my top 3 list since I was 17 years old. I just hope I can soak everything up. I am not nervous or scared, only that I might forget to see something. After Peru, a trip to Vegas with the gals. And then Monterey, California to hang out with Summer and Rich until I absolutely have to be back.
I sound falsely upbeat, like maybe I am trying to hard to be happy. But I'm pretty sure I'm sincerely this happy right now. Either that, or I am such a good liar, I have even tricked myself.
